Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned.
I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
Some of you might find this a little hard to believe—I do not support Valentine’s Day. There is something that happens to us, a madness of sorts; those that are single become depressed, angry, and vow to revenge their new sworn enemies…the couple. They are convinced that they are unlovable, will never be loved, and are less worthy than those in relationships. Couples fall into one of two categories: The Fantastical Fantasy Seeker® and the Pressure Panicked Partner®. The Fantasy Seeker has built up the day or night into an epic romantic happening. One of two outcomes is to be expected: the great disappointment, since no one could live up to the fantasy; or the “why can’t it always be that way” letdown. The night goes off without a hitch. It goes beyond our wildest expectation, but then the next day…back to reality.
Over the years it has been my observation that the fantasy suddenly becomes the new expectation of our partner. “You did it then, why can’t you do it now,” can be heard echoing throughout relationships everywhere. We have placed our partner in a position where we expect something that is not sustainable. We now feel the relationship is not good enough. We have seen our fantasy, daily life is our fantasy, and we are now unhappy. Oh, and my heart goes out to the Pressured Partner who will expend all of their energy to have everything be perfect. When their efforts are not received as they had hoped, they often feel a sense of failure in disappointing their partner. They feel unloved and under-appreciated. As my good friend Allen says, (especially when he wants to get me to laugh), “This has got disaster written all over it.”
Love is every moment of life. Whether you are single or a member of a partnership, Love is a state of being that exists in everything we do, every moment we live. It is not a feeling that is reserved for a certain person on a certain day. If that is the way it is viewed, there is a greater issue here—we do not understand anything about Love. As far as romance is concerned, it is the gift of creative expression that we share with the universe in celebration of the sacredness and intimacy of our lives. Those moments are between the universe and us. If we invite someone else to that party, great, but that party is still thrown no matter who is showing up because celebration is the recognition of life!
Here is how we can make every day Valentine’s Day, romantic, passionate, and Filled with Love. Together or alone, celebrate Love!
See Love, hear Love, speak Love. There are endless examples of Love in our daily lives, moments of kindness that we have the opportunity to show, or that are shown to us; moments of beauty, opportunities to express thanks, gratitude, and appreciation. Slow down for a moment and take life in. Take the time to really experience another person, or allow yourself to really be seen. Speak the kindness and the Love you feel. Tell people how you feel about them and why that makes them special to you. When someone tells you how they feel, how special you are to them, take a breath, listen, and take it in.
Do special things. Dinner, vacations, movies, museums, lectures, concerts, a night in a hotel, blowing bubbles, fishing—whatever is special to you or you both. When we give ourselves treats that put a little spin in our day, we make our day a little more memorable, special, set it apart from the rest, and say I am invested in you and in life.
Give gifts. Anything that is given from our heart to ourselves or another, is a gift. A note, chocolates, flowers, or anything else can be given anytime. I believe in giving gifts often, for no reason except that it feels good to give and to receive.
Create romance. Candlelight, music, bubble baths, clothing and bed sheets made of pleasurable materials, a picnic on the floor, and the Moon can be enjoyed alone or with someone. They are all ways of celebrating all that is sensual about life.
What happens on Valentine’s Day does not define you. It does not define Love. You are special, seen, and Loved. Live it. Live in Love!